Here is a classic list that use to be posted on a lot of club walls back in the day and once in a while it pops up on social media. Here it is:
1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD…SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO!
The D.J. has to play for more than one person…so, what you may hate
may be another’s favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced
to one way or another.
2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT?
BE SERIOUS! We know of NO songs played in a club that don’t have some sort of a beat!
3. I DON’T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON’T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS…
Please don’t sing for the D.J.! They have to put up with smoke-filled
rooms and dangerous decibel levels all night. Do them a favor and DON’T
give them a rendition of your favorite song!
4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!
Oh sure, you polled EVERYONE in the club and, as their spokesperson, you are requesting the song.
5. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT!
If you are GOOD ENOUGH, you can get laid to anything!! (also been known as “buy the album and get laid for a month!”)
6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT!
The only people who can get away with that statement write the D.J.’s paycheck or tip him $50!
7. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR…WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
It’s a lot easier for you to go have another beer and figure out what
you want to hear than it is for the D.J. to recite the name of EVERY
record in the booth!
8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS!
It is not advisable to say this when the dance floor is packed (but,
some people do anyway)! However, even if there is only ONE person on the
floor, it STILL contradicts the statement.
9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT!
The D.J. won’t…I guess that blows a hole in that theory!
SOME ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY
If you ask for a song and the D.J. says he just played it, DON’T SAY,
“Well, I just got here.” It makes absolutely no difference. DON’T SAY,
“Is this the only kind of music you play?” If you go to a Chinese
restaurant, you wouldn’t ask for Italian food. Rock clubs play rock,
alternative clubs play alternative, discos play disco, etc., etc.,
etc… If you ask for a song, BE SPECIFIC. DON’T SAY, “I wanna hear
something, anything but this!” Try going to the bar and saying, “I wanna
drink something, anything but this…” You can’t complain if you’re not
SPECIFIC. HOWEVER, if you ARE specific and the D.J. says he doesn’t
have the song, DON’T SAY, “What?!! What do you mean you don’t have it?
What kind of D.J. are you? Why don’t you get into the wonderful world of
fast food! You obviously don’t know what you’re doing as a D.J.!”…
HE MAY SHOOT YOU!!!
A nightclub D.J. gets very little respect. They are expected to play
everything for everybody. It is impossible to satisfy all to the people
all of the time, yet club jocks are expected to do just that. If a radio
jock tells his listeners a song is a hit, the majority of the people
think it must be “because they said so on the radio.” However, 80f the
time, that same song was being played in a club long before the radio
DISCOVERED the NEW song. So, give the D.J. a break! The next time you
request a song, stop and
THINK before you speak.
And above all, if the DJ has one hand on the mixer, one hand on a TURNTABLE – wearing headphones,
DON’T BUG HIM OR HER!!! “
OTHER Things not to say to a DJ
when asking him for a song….
1) When are you going to play something good? – Firstly, you’re saying
my music is crap. Secondly, you appear to expect me to read your mind
and work out what you like. I suggest you leave before I stab you with
this ballpoint pen. Sod Off!!
2) If you play XXXXX everyone will dance! – Nothing is guaranteed to be
further from the truth. If I play this track everyone will flock off the
dance floor leaving you stood on your own in the middle. Until you feel
stupid and leave. Having killed the atmosphere. Thanks a bunch.
3) Why you playing this shit? Nobody likes it! – That would explain the
packed dance floor would it? If you don’t particularly care for it sir,
please wait 10 minutes and the music will change. To something else you
can whinge about.
4) Can you play XXXX in the next 10 minutes because I’ve got to go home?
– No. I’m trying to entertain those who are staying for the whole
night. I’m not going to destroy the atmosphere I’ve cultivated to play
The Village People at 9:30. You want to hear it, you wait until 11:00ish
when it’ll actually go down well.
5) Have you got any dance music? – Would that be House, Garage, Trance,
Hard House, Disco, Euro pop, Hi Energy, Techno, Vocal House, Drum n Bass
(ugh!) or Happy Hardcore?
6) Can I have a look at your CDs? – No. They are the tools of my living.
They are arranged in a specific order. They are also a convenient size
to hide under a jacket as you leave. You thieving little pikey.
7) What have you got? – Look, I carry over 250 CDs, with over 5000
tracks. I’m not about to list them for you. And no, you can’t look. No.
You can’t press that button either.
8) When are you going to play something recent? – Oooh. About 30 seconds
ago. And I’ll probably play some more as soon as I’ve played some 70s
for your Mom. Patience is a virtue. Now sod off.
9) Can you play [insert heavy metal tune]? – No. This is a wedding. You
are the only person in this room who actually like to make his/her ears
bleed. I know you have a bedroom wall full of their posters and you
tattooed the lead singer’s name on your arm with a compass and ink. But
believe me, no one else likes them. And, contrary to your firm belief,
the sight of you standing alone in the middle of the dance floor
flicking your long greasy hair backwards and forwards, killing off your
remaining brain cells, will not make young women weak at the knees.
Queasy in the stomach maybe.
What your DJ actually replies; “Certainly. I’ll try and fit it in if I’ve got it.”