Jesus As A DJ

DJ Jesus

By Mike Walter

The Holidays are a time when Christians the world over celebrate the birth of Christ. And whether you believe in Jesus’ divinity or not, few question the historical figure named Jesus Christ. So, if you will allow a bit of a stretch of the imagination, I thought this would be a good time to take the oft-used Christian saying “What Would Jesus Do” (often referred to simply as W.W.J.D.) and imagine “What Would Jesus the D.J. Do?” (Bracelets with W.W.J.T.D.J.D. will be available in the lobby on your way out.)

First, let’s consider how Jesus would have been as a DJ.

We all know one of the biggest fears people face is public speaking. Most people would rather be in one of those bizarre situations you see on “Fear Factor” than to have to speak publicly. Yet Jesus did it with no problem. I often picture the Sermon on the Mount, which is arguably Jesus’ biggest speaking engagement. By this point in His “career” His reputation had spread and crowds were following Him everywhere, longing to see a miracle or hear how they could be saved. I picture Jesus sitting about half way up a hill. The crowd is spilling out as far as the eye can see. There is tension in the air. Jesus doesn’t start preaching right away. He’s letting the last of the stragglers fill in. He’s gathering His thoughts, perhaps mindful that His words today will go down in posterity and be repeated by millions. Finally He stands and a hush comes over the multitude. People strain forward expecting to barely be able to hear Him. And then Jesus begins.

It is undeniable that He had a great voice. Jesus regularly preached to hundreds and sometimes thousands of people. He didn’t have the benefit of a sound system. He had no cordless microphone. Jesus didn’t have intro music to pump crowds up or whirling lights to grab everyone’s attention. He just spoke. We can assume that He was clear, concise and articulate. His gestures and body language must have been big and theatrical. Unquestionably, He had a great set of pipes.

Imagine a booming voice like that introducing a Wedding Party or opening up the dance floor. Wow!

Jesus was also a great communicator. His teachings have been remembered and passed down for two millennia. Sometimes, I can’t even get table ten to hear me and go up to the buffet. This is a guy who told stories and taught lessons that made an impact. In terms of voice and communication, it is hard to deny that Jesus had the skills.

On top of that, Jesus must have had great command. He was able to convince twelve disciples to leave their homes and follow Him with no promise of pay or fame or glory. His teachings began a movement that became a religion that is followed today by millions. People have chosen to live celibate lives in His honor. Martyrs have died in His name. Talk about a persuasive character. The way I see it, a guy like that can get a crowd to do a Conga line or the Electric Slide with no problem.

Jesus also would have been great at any type of function. He was raised Jewish and He loved children so you know He would have been a very popular Bar or Bat Mitzvah jock. Also, we’re told His first miracle came at a Wedding, so He obviously understood the importance of the day for the Bride and Groom. Corporate parties? Well, since the busiest month for company gigs is December, right around the Holidays, I would think Jesus would be ready and eager to do a ton of work. I mean, I get fired up when anyone remembers my birthday, so for Jesus going to Christmas Parties, well I think you see what I’m getting at. Come to think of it, Jesus was definitely a party person. He loved get-togethers and always wanted to be included. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus even said, “Whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there I am.” This guy never wanted to be left out of a party.

One of the things I look for in a DJ is confidence. I never thought a timid person could walk out on an empty dance floor and have the nerve to invite people to dance. Anyone who lacks self confidence will be shaking in their tux shoes and not come across sincerely at all. In this respect Jesus would have caught my attention. In Mark’s Gospel, you can read about how a father of a sick boy came to Jesus, telling Him of his son’s ailments. Then the father asked Jesus to help, “if you can.” Jesus almost seemed insulted, “If I can? Everything is possible for one who has faith.” That’s the kind of DJ I want working a forty person afternoon corporate party! Can you imagine that? The client comes up to the DJ table and says, “Excuse me Jesus. Maybe you could get these people dancing. If you can?” And even if Jesus was afraid, this is a guy who faced His fears head on. His disciples warned Him about going to Jerusalem yet He went. This is not a guy who wouldn’t play the Macarena for fear of being alone on the dance floor.

Finally, if you are a believer and follower of Jesus, if you accept everything in the Bible including the myriad of miracles attributed to Him, Jesus goes from being a talented DJ to, well, off the charts. Dancing ability? Anybody that can walk on water is certainly light enough on His feet. Run out of food or wine at your reception? No problem, Jesus will just whip up some more. And how many DJs have every had this thought: “If I could get this crowd dancing, I could raise the dead.” Well….

Jesus would have made a great DJ company owner as well. One of the biggest challenges every Multi-op faces is finding good talent. And training them. Well, Jesus was great at that. As I already mentioned, He put together a crew of disciples and taught them everything He could. He told them parables to help them remember things and led the way by example. He drove his message home so well that 2,000 years later people still repeat His teachings. That’s a pretty good legacy. If Jesus had taught that crew how to perform Bridal Party introductions or how to set up the YMCA, something tells me they’d remember it well.

Jesus also had great loyalty amongst His disciples (with the exception of one guy, but hey every Multi-Op has one Judas in their past!) I mean let’s face it, if a guy can recruit and train a staff that is willing to die for Him, I think He could get enough DJs to work on Friday nights.

There are also ethical questions and temptations that face our industry that Jesus as a business owner would have to wrestle with. And when it came to resisting temptations, no one shined brighter than Jesus Christ. This is a guy who spent forty days fasting in the desert and then when He was tempted to turn rocks into bread to satisfy His hunger He said “No,” and quoted scripture. Most of us can’t even get past week one on a new diet! This guy was steel when it came to resistance!

So think about what tempts us. Downloading music? Not for Jesus. When He was questioned about paying taxes, Jesus said, “Give Caesar what is due Caesar.” I think He would have the same opinion about the record industry. “Give them their $11.99 for each CD and be happy you have good music to play,” is probably what He would say. His opinion about giving Caesar his due probably means Jesus would never hide any cash from his tax return either. And how about the whole “bait and switch” thing that some Multi-Ops employ, promising the owner to clients only to switch the DJ at the last minute. No way would Jesus do that. I mean, in the Garden of Gethsemane when the Roman soldiers came to arrest Him, Jesus was surrounded by His disciples. And I’ve seen the movie, these guys were all dressed the same. That was the perfect time for a “bait and switch.” So if Jesus didn’t succumb to the temptation then, I guarantee He’d do every gig that He promised Himself on.

My favorite teaching by Jesus Christ is when He said, “You are the light of the world.” He was saying that you should let your talents “shine” not hide them under a “bushel.” Jesus lived that motto His whole adult life. He believed it was His duty to spread the Word of God and He did it. He did it every day with passion and commitment and He did it so brazenly it cost Him his life. As I’ve said, whether you believe Jesus was the Son of God or just some guy that had an unbelievable impact on the history of this world, you can’t deny that Jesus never turned away from His calling. I realize it is far fetched to think of Jesus as a DJ but something tells me, if that had been His calling, Jesus would have done it passionately. He would have thrown Himself into DJing wholeheartedly. He would have worked day in and day out at being the best He could be. He would have read all the magazines, surfed all the websites and attended all the conventions. He would have shined His light as brightly and boldly as He could for all the world to see.

Not a bad lesson for all of us to learn about our industry. Don’t hide your talents. Let them shine.

Merry Christmas!

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Technical Consultant