By Alan Dodson, “Wedding Wizard”
I came across this a while ago and it made an impact on me. It is not all mine or original, as I have modified this to reflect my feelings about charisma. I guarantee you this; if you are charismatic it will make success come easier.
There are people that instantly make us feel important. Others instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by coming in. (Some light up a room by leaving, but that is a different story!)
It is not always easy to define, but in general: Those people are naturally charismatic.
Natural charisma fades quickly and loses its impact. As we get to know those people, they appear less charismatic to us, but that is because we become comfortable with them.
We have all experienced people that are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently positively influence the people around them, they always make people feel better about themselves and they’re the kind of people everyone wants to be around and would like to be.
Pretty much everyone can, because being remarkably charismatic isn’t about our level of our presentation skills, success, what we wear or even the image we project, it IS about what we do!
Remarkably charismatic people have things that they almost always do.
1. They listen much more than they talk.
I often say to sales trainees, “you have two ears and one mouth, listen twice as much as you talk.” This is a key way to show the other person they are important.
They ask questions and maintain eye contact. Facial expressions and body language is an important form of communication. Smile, Frown, Nod, raise your eyebrows, these non-verbal expressions are powerful and they show that you are truly listening.
When it comes time to speak; offer advice only if you’re asked for it. Listening shows you care a lot more than giving advice because giving advice makes the conversation about you, not them.
For example if you say, “Here’s what I would do…” is that about you or the person you are speaking to?
Speak when you have something important to say; that importance should be what matters to the other person, not to you.
2. They don’t get distracted by “stuff”.
Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment.
You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting with your stuff, too.
The gift of your full attention is rare. This alone will make others want to be around you and will make you more memorable.
3. They never listen selectively, they listen to everyone.
We have all met people that are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
Sure, you speak to them, but that falling tree doesn’t make a sound in the forest, because there’s no one actually listening.
Remarkably charismatic people always listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us feel like we have something in common with them, no matter how small.
We have in common, at the very minimum, our humanity!
4. They pay it forward with no expectation of return.
Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship. Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide to help someone.
If you think about, even in a small part or even for a split second, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that person that you think who really matters is you, not them.
5. They don’t convey self-importance
We hate it when you show up at a meeting or event.
The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are people just like you. The rest of us are irritated and uncomfortable and we are not impressed with you.
6. They find importance in others.
They know their own opinions, perspectives and points of view. They know what they know.
They realize that their stuff isn’t important, because it’s already theirs and you can’t learn anything from yourself.
They also realize that they don’t know everything that other people know. Everyone, no matter who they are, knows something that you don’t know.
This realization makes the other person more important, because they’re people you can learn from.
7. They carefully choose their words.
If you choose the right words, you can affect the perception of others.
For example, you don’t have to go to a networking event; you get to go meet with other people. You don’t have to meet with a prospective client; you get to share your business with other people. You don’t have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.
People want to be associated with happy, enthusiastic, successful people. The words you use can help other people feel better about themselves and in return, feel better about yourself.
8. They don’t discuss other people’s failures
It is human nature to want to hear what has happened to someone else.
The problem is, we don’t respect or like the people that are constantly reporting on the failures of others.
If you are talking about someone who is not present, the people around you will wonder what you are saying about them when they are not around.
9. Charismatic people will admit their failings.
You don’t need to be successful to be very charismatic. When you get past their outward appearance, many successful people have all the charisma of a hammer.
But you do have to be real to be highly charismatic. Some people are perceived to have charisma simply because they’re successful. Their success can create an artificial glow that sometimes resembles charisma. It is not!
Share your failures and admit your mistakes. Self-deprecating humor is a powerful tool.
Never laugh at other peoples failings, but always laugh at yourself.
People won’t laugh at you, they will laugh with you.
They will want to be around you more.
10. They tend to put the spotlight on others.
Have you ever received too much praise? Nope, it does not happen. Always tell people what they did well. People will appreciate your praise and they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they’re doing. This can help them feel more important and accomplished.
So, which do you want to be, the one that lights up the room by coming in or by leaving? The choice is up to you. If you follow the simple steps above, you will change your life forever, and you will touch the lives of many other people in a positive way.
