By Julie Oshins, “Play It Forward”
I got hired recently for Alicia’s 14th birthday party and I thought, “I was 14 thirty years ago. What do I know about being a 14-year-old girl?” These thoughts of self-doubt stem from the fact that at 14 I had glasses, braces, was not thin and was not “cool,” and all my young conversations came up when approaching this teenage party. I rocked the party, but the voice in my head ranted incessantly until I actually started playing, and my skill and passion took over.
Most of us have some preconception about “not being good enough.” Your version might be about not being smart enough, talented enough, or fill in the blank enough. This shame-based based belief gets created when we are very young. It’s the most human, primitive emotion that we experience and we all have it. This disempowering voice will never go away, but it doesn’t have to hijack you and make you feel bad about yourself.
Use the following strategies to neutralize the feelings of being not good enough and keep them from impacting your DJ business:
Nobody can do you better than YOU. Their “life is so fabulous” Facebook feed vs. your off-screen real life daily struggles. Comparison is the fastest road to “Not Enoughville.” Consider, most people we compare ourselves to compare themselves to other people too. We ALL put on our brave faces to go out into the world. They have the same “not enough” noise in their heads that we do! It helps to remember that. Your life is about breaking out of the limiting box you created, and pushing your boundaries to live your best life.
You are ”shoulding” on yourself
Most of us operate in the world of “what if,” “if only” and “ I should . . .” and put our energy into wishing for and worrying about how our life isn’t rather than being in the present moment and focusing on how our life actually is. Everything in your life, your DJ business, relationships, living situation etc. is how it is supposed to be, or it would not be that way. You only suffer when you argue with how things are. Trying to overcome it just leaves you in the trap of fighting it. Our only power in life is how we respond to what happens to us.
Your expectation of perfection is unrealistic.
You don’t need to prove anything. Release the self-assigned pressure of perfection and instead of beating yourself up for falling short, try learning from the mistake or situation. Ask yourself “What’s the opportunity or the lesson in this moment?” There is research on gratitude, and savoring the moment as practices that build new neural networks, so we actually change our experience of our life. When you are focused on how good the good is the good gets better.
You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first. It’s easy to get caught up in surveying opinions, playing by the rules, and listening to what the world says you should want. I invite you to quit looking to others to tell you how you should live your life. As Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.” Stop asking for permission to be great and go for what you want; the worst that can happen is they will say “No.” Our limitations are self-imposed. You have the final say. Free yourself!
Repeat after me: I forgive myself for having believed for so long that I was never good enough to have, get and be what I wanted (Ceanna DeRohan)
You are good enough.
